I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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