all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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