maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
this is an emotional support booty call
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
