I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
