saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
