Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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