Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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