My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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