i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
