The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
