I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
