Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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