you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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