if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
