i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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