Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
