just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
