he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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