i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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