Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
