i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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