how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
