I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
