I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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