Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
