remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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