Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize