is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
