My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The cops high fived after they tackled you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
