So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I puked a lego.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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