it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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