what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
