Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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