and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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