I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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