Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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