I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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