hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
