I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
