his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
