I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
