How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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