You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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