How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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