I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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