I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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