Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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