Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
