Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
