my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
