I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
