How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
