i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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