Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
