i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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